Cheating is definitely one quick, big way to absolutely annihilate a relationship, but as a recent Ask Reddit thread pointed out, there are plenty of other things that are much more potent when it comes to ruining even the strongest of bonds. Some of the worst things that lead to a breakup (that aren’t cheating) start out small and indiscernible, and that’s what makes them so dangerous.
1. Lying to and hiding things from your partner. Even if you’re doing it out of love to protect their feelings, keeping little things from someone you’re dating can grow into a big problem and cause trust issues that wreck a relationship. As canada432 wrote, “You should be able to tell your partner pretty much anything. If you’re hiding something because it would hurt them, then you probably shouldn’t do that thing in the first place.”
2. Withholding any kind of affection. Whether affection means being really touchy-feely, asking each other intense questions about meaningful things, or helping each other through obstacles, being absent and unaffectionate can cause the kind of doubts in a relationship that end up being irreparable.
3. Harbouring quiet resentment. As VoxMeretricis wrote, “by the time resentment is expressed, the damage is already done” to the relationship. It starts out quietly but becomes something big over time, which is what makes it so damaging.
4. Lack of communication. This doesn’t mean not texting all day every day, but failing to talk to each other about things that bother you when they come up, or conveniently leaving out details that you think might cause problems. All that poo just gets bottled up or revealed eventually, and by the time that happens, it’s usually unmanageable.
5. Being stubborn about things or getting entrenched in certain positions. This is just another way of saying “refusing to compromise.” If you like somebody, you should be willing to compromise. Partners who can only handle things if they go a certain way (their way) are basically just in relationships with themselves.
6. Bickering about mundane, daily issues and chores. Sure, the argument you always have about whose turn it is to take the trash out seems like no big deal now, but that’s the sort of thing that just becomes a great issue over time, and even worse, becomes ammo for bigger, more serious arguments down the road.
7. Condescension. Talking down to a partner is just another way of making yourself bigger or more powerful than them, and a power imbalance is the last thing you want in a lasting, healthy relationship. As messedfrombirth wrote, condescension is worse than cheating because “it makes your self esteem poo,” so even after the relationship ends, you still feel the damage.
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