Article written by Charles Oputa. Read below..
When I look back at my life, and all the stuff
I did as a carefree, young and restless youth,
I can't help but shudder at some of my very
bad habits. Yes, I was once short-fused;
blowing off at the slightest provocation. It
was pitiful. Over time I have managed to rid
myself of such sad habits but that can't be
said for a lot of men some of who, even late
in their lives can't still get over it, thereby
losing their cool in their homes. No be small
thing sha.
Domestic violence is an under reported crime in
Nigeria, almost accepted as norm. Some men
feel it's their right, some feel it's always the
women who bring out the beast in them, while
others will readily admit its a way of stamping
their authority in the home. Sadly, many don't see
anything wrong with beating their wives. How
sad! Yes, am aware there are women who beat up
their husbands, but those are in the minority and
this piece ain't about them. The most guilty
perpetrators are usually men and the victims are
mostly their wives and sometimes their children
too.
Men abusing women is like a defence and coping
mechanism for being or feeling WEAK in other
aspects of life, sometimes including deep analog
beliefs about masculinity. Men who abuse loved
ones tend to blame other things or people for
their violent outbursts. In some cases, it is a
cycle: "my father abused me and my mom, so,
it's normal".
Society doesn't help either, it ingrains in a man's
psyche that macho bullshit; how he should be
strong and if he can't exhibit that in his daily
public life, it's ok for him to go home and prove
his strength.
Abusive men are not limited to a particular
status, it ranges from a bricklayer to a CEO or
even a President, causing their women to
perpetually live in anxiety and fear. Most of them
tip-toe around their husbands, not because they
respect these men, but because of fear.
A violent man might have grown up in a
dysfunctional household but this is still not a
reason to be abusive. It is an excuse, and a
flimsy one at that.
Some men don't come from humble homes where
women are appreciated. Some of us come from
homes that expose us to sex, gossip, male macho
bullshit. Values for treating women start with
where you're coming from, your background.
However, beyond these, what fucks most men up
is our BIG FAT EGO. It has everything to do with
selfishness or overrated feeling of self-
importance. QED.
Ego is the source of many negatives in the world.
It is the false 'self' that Jesus said we should let
die before we can gain everlasting life. Ego craves
to be first, but we must be willing to be last.
Unconditional love comes with humility,
selflessness, abundant generosity, perfect
responsibility, fearless confidence.
I no go brag, am not all that, but I dey try. God
knows!
Now, for the man who feels trapped in this mad
dance with his loved ones and is trying very hard
to rid himself of this very terrible habit, do like
me. If you start to feel that your fuse is about to
burst, try and say nothing, hold it in for a few
minutes and relocate yourself to another space,
either in your house, or outside. Allow some time
to elapse before you express yourself, never talk
or let your fist run amok when you're upset; it
doesn't make for a good picture.
Even though I have cured myself of my short fuse,
i still get tempted from time to time. What works
best for me now is silence. I go and lock myself
in my room and will never utter a word to my lady
until am sure am in control of my faculties. Since
many moons ago, I have discovered that this is a
very effective option in dealing with a very bad
temper.
So next time you are with your woman and you
feel like turning her into a punching bag, change
the game, beat her with your silence for the
period you feel like blowing your fuse. Na my way
be that oooooo.
This is just my take sha, how you see the matter
my guys?
No comments:
Post a Comment